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should I stay or should I go?

Cherry tree

If you're on the brink and confused, let's talk.

You are in a tough spot right now. If you or your partner are considering separation or divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your relationship.

Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping intimate partner relationships when one person is “leaning out” of the relationship and not sure that conventional relationship therapy would help, while another person is interested in rebuilding the relationship (or "leaning in"). 

In Discernment Counseling, I will help you decide for yourself whether to try to restore your relationship to health, move toward separation/divorce, or take a time out and decide later.

The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction for your relationship that's based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.

The goal is not to solve your relationship problems. The goal is to see if they are solvable. Regardless of how you are feeling about your relationship at the moment, you will each be treated with compassion and respect ---no blaming or finger pointing.

You will come in as a partnership; however, the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations that take place during each session. Why? Because you are each starting out in different places.

During our work together, I will respect your reasons for separation/divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the relationship to health.

As a certified discernment counselor, I will emphasize the importance of seeing how you have each contributed to the problems in the relationship in unique ways and how you can each contribute to possible solutions. This deeper understanding will be invaluable in future relationships (if this one ends) or in your current relationship (if you decide to rebuild your relationship).

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Areas of focus 

• On the brink of separation/divorce

• Communication issues

• Hopelessness in relationship

• Lack of confidence in decision to separate/divorce or reconcile

• Emotional distance

• Conflict

• Infidelity and affair recovery

• Sex and sexuality (see Sex Therapy)

• LGBTQ+ relationships

Number of sessions

• A maximum of 5 sessions

Session length & total amount

• Initial session = 2 hours ($300)

• Subsequent sessions = 90 minutes ($230)

Cancellation policy

Please cancel or reschedule at least 48 hours in advance. This is requested because a time commitment is made to you and is held exclusively for you. If cancellation or rescheduling occurs within 48 hours of the scheduled start time of your session, you are responsible for the full session fee. ​

When is discernment counseling not appropriate?

• When one partner has already made a final decision to separate/divorce

• When one partner is coercing another partner to participate
• When there is danger of intimate partner violence (IPV)

How do we get started?

It all begins with a free, 20-minute phone consultation to see if working together is a good fit (*please note: each partner will need to schedule and complete a separate phone consultation). If it's a good fit, I'll get you scheduled as soon as possible so you can get started. You may wish to review the FAQs before our call. If you're ready, click Get Started to schedule your initial phone consultation.

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